Communication

Within every type of communication there is a step by step process. This can happen almost instantly or within an amount of time.
The steps include the following process. Person 1 expresses some form of communication. That communication is encoded with some form of medium which is then decoded by person 2. Person 2 has a thought or feeling in response to the communication they decoded. Then with another form of medium, their response is encoded to person 1 and the process continues over and over again.

The problem with our communication is that it is so easy to take things in a way that they were not meant. Especially through the different mediums we have in our day (email, text, over the phone, in person).

This is when the five secrets (that aren't so secret) of communication come in handy.
The five secrets come in 3 parts -E(Empathy) A(Assertiveness) R(Respect)

Empathy:
1. Disarming Technique [Find a Kernel of truth in what is said or communicated & focus on that.]
2. Empathy [Thought & feeling of emotions]
3. Inquiry [This is a gentle inquiry to understand what was being communicated.]

Assertiveness:
4. I Feel Statement. [When...............I feel...................because..................... I would like................]

Respect:
5. Expressing genuine appreciation & admiration

It can be easy to respond with anger to communication from others. Instead, I would challenge you to use these steps and secrets. I know it may seem awkward or uncomfortable in the beginning, but the more you practice these things, the better and more comfortable you will become. I promise you, something good will come of this.

It's All In The Way We Perceive

Ruben Hill has a four piece theory for crisis events and/or stress in our lives.
His theory, called ABCX looks like this:

His thinking in creating this model is that our life events do not create stress; Our feelings toward such events create the results we have made them to be.

Samuel Clemens said, "I have suffered many catastrophes in my life. Many of which never occurred."
In many cases we are perceiving experiences as having a greater impact than need be.

For example,
I was chatting with my sister the other day about how things were going. She confided in me that she was full of anger and resentment toward another of our sisters for giving her advice and putting a foot in her life as though she could not handle it herself. She said, "She thinks she has things all figured out, and because her life is perfect and mine isn't, she has to fix me and organize my life."
My advice for this sister was to talk to the sister that was bothering her and tell her how her words had hurt her.
She followed this advice and returned to me later saying that she had perceived it all wrong. The sister she had been angry with was only sharing her concern and love for her sister. She had been through a similar situation and hoped to be of some help.
What was perceived as mean and hurtful was meant to be full of love and care for her sister.

In order to avoid stress or having our life experiences becoming a crisis is to teach ourselves to react differently. To react the way we would want to if we were able to step back and see the hole picture.
Start small, rather than responding with tears-try smiling. Instead of telling yourself you are going to fail your test, tell your face to tell your head that you will try your best. Instead of seeing your sister as big-headed and arrogant, try giving her a hug and telling her you love her.
Think twice before responding how you normally would.

It is not our fault that we have these misconceptions. We have probably learned to do this throughout our other life experiences. What we need to do now is have our thought and then change our feelings regarding that thought. It will become easier with practice.

When is the Right Time to Start Teaching Your Kids??

The Birds and the Bees.
This is most often a (singular) talk that many parents are apprehensive and concerned about. Why wouldn't they be? If this is something that was not commonly talked about in your home as a child, I can see how anyone would be anxious to bring it up.
In my own home, I remember one conversation my mom had with all eight of us at the same time. We were all at different ages and therefore different levels of understanding. At the time I was between nine and ten years old. Having this conversation was incredibly uncomfortable for me. So much so that I felt sick to my stomach. I was getting more and more agitated by the things I was hearing and of course there had to be that one sibling who wouldn't stop asking questions...

This is not how it needs to be. There are better ways!
Professionals have stated that children need to start learning these important life facts by age 4, if not earlier.
The next most often asked question is. "How?" "How do we go about it?" "How is this done?"

Step 1: Teach your children how precious they are to you.
This does not mean just showing them by doing things for them that they don't always recognize as acts of love. Actually Tell them how you feel.

Step 2: Train yourself to Be Honest-Don't swerve around the words that the world teaches us to have "shy away" feelings about. Use proper terms and names, do not make up words or nicknames.
These are our bodies, these are our lives, given to us by our God. We do not need to be afraid to say things as they are.

Step 3: Teach your children the Real purpose of their body parts: What they are to be used for now as well as in the future after they have made Marital Covenants. The gifts and parts that they have been blessed with are special. They are meant to be kept sacred and safe.

Step 4: Teach your children the sacred responsibilities they have toward their body and spirit.
It harms your spirit when you harm your body. This is something your child will understand.

This is not something to be brought up once and moved passed. It is so much more important than that. Please-teach your children in a way of truth.

A great recourse I have found while looking over opinions, ideas, and factual research is found at this link A Parent's Guide . Please feel free to look over this as it may be something that could be beneficial to you and your family. 

Dating :)

The goal of all aspiring members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is to become more like Christ. We accomplish (or at least try to accomplish) this by learning from Christ’s perfect example. We have been taught throughout our experience within the gospel that men are to Preside, Provide and Protect.
Within our dating experience, we learn that dates are meant to be planned, paid for, and paired-off.
Do you see the resemblance?
Look again.

Planned ↔↔↔↔Preside↠ Real Men are to be the leader within a date. They plan to watch out for you and your family, they plan to be there for their wife and family, they plan family prayer & family home evening, they plan to Preside.

Paid for→→→→Provide↠ Real Men pay for dates showing they will provide, they are to be the soul provider for your household.

Paired-off↣↣↣↣Protect↠ Real Men protect you from the world, they protect us from each other if one were to ever overstep, they stand closest to the road, they stand up and walk out of inappropriate movies, they talk you up no matter your personal thoughts on yourself.

Don't settle for anything less than a real Man.

Love in Greek

If you speak a foreign language, you may have noticed that there are commonly more than one word for love. It is likewise in Greek-there are four different words for love, each differing in meaning.

Agape- charitable & serviceable love

Phillia- friendship or brotherly love

Eros- love between man and woman

Storge- the kind of love God has for his children-life sacrificing love

Which love do you want to see between you and your spouse? Now remember- You can't just love a person, you need to like them too.

Relationships ;)

I feel like this is a dreaded topic. When the words dating, marriage or relationship come up, we automatically tune out. Or maybe that's just me...

Recently however, I have found that there is a lot we can learn about ourselves and those we are attempting to have a relationship with by looking at these topics through different eyes.

The author and public speaker, John Van Epp has some wonderful insights regarding relationships. One of his ideas that impacted me was his equation on really knowing someone. He stated it as the following:

  TOGETHER  [This includes a wide variety of shared activities.]
           TALK    [Not just chit-chat, but Mutual Self-Disclosure]
 +        TIME    [He has an idea that you cannot begin to know someone until you have been together at least 3 months.]
---------------------------------------
        KNOW

Another idea I have heard is four seasons and a road trip. Each individual responds differently in different circumstances and situations. A great way to really find out if you know someone is to see them in different seasons as well as enjoying a nice long road trip together where all you have to do is sing along with the radio and listen to each other talk. There is more you need to know about a person beside how well they can cook or how well someone studies (when you are around). Really get to know you they are to-the-core.

Van Epp also created what he calls the RAM diagram. It is the following:

KNOW           TRUST          RELY         COMMIT      TOUCH
     -                      -                   -                         -                 -
     x                      -                   -                        -                 -
     -                       x                  -                        -                 -
     -                       -                   x                       -                 -
     -                       -                   -                        x                -
     -                       -                   -                        -                 x
     -                       -                   -                        -                 -

Explanation:
This is the order in which your relationship should progress. You need to know someone before you can trust them. The more you get to know them the more you either trust them or know to distrust them.
Once you have built a foundation of trust, you know you can rely on them. Once you continue your relationship-you are always getting to know them better-you can truly commit yourself to someone. Then and only then you can move forward with the last progression step.
Why is touch the last?
The feelings that come with touching- whether that means holding hands, hugging, locking lips, or cuddling affect the way we think. If the physical aspect of the relationship is good, we have the ability to put up "blinders"for the other things that are important.

I ave really enjoyed learning from John Van Epp. I think he really has something. This is just the beginning of what he has to teach us.
If you are interested in any additional information regarding John Van Epp or his insights and theories regarding such topics, I would recommend looking into reading his book, How to avoid falling in love with a Jerk. You can find out more about this book through the following short video.
John Van Epp: How to avoid falling in Love with a Jerk

Celebrate Our Differences

The Lord created each of us. 
Our differences, desires, interests, imperfections, values, personalities. We are who we are for a purpose.

Jeremiah 1:5
 "Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee,..."

D&C 138:56
Even before they were born, they, with many others, received their first lessons in the world of spirits and were prepared to come forth in the due time of the Lord to labor in his vineyard for the salvation of the souls of men.

Elder David A Bednar explained, “[Gender] in large measure defines who we are, why we are here upon the earth, and what we are to do and become. For divine purposes, male and female spirits are different, distinctive, and complementary. … The unique combination of spiritual, physical, mental, and emotional capacities of both males and females were needed to implement the plan of happiness” (“Marriage Is Essential to His Eternal Plan,” Liahona, June 2006, 51; Ensign, June 2006, 83).

Don't you see? There is no shame in being Y.O.U.

Short or tall.
Wide or thin.
Red hair or blonde.
Arts or Science.
Tennis or basketball.
Ephraim or Manasseh.
Blue eyed or brown.
Young or old.
Big Mac or plant based.
Single or married.
Canvas or wood.
Only child or one of 8.
Spontaneous or steady.
Male or female.

We all have a purpose.