I feel like this is a dreaded topic. When the words dating, marriage or relationship come up, we automatically tune out. Or maybe that's just me...
Recently however, I have found that there is a lot we can learn about ourselves and those we are attempting to have a relationship with by looking at these topics through different eyes.
The author and public speaker, John Van Epp has some wonderful insights regarding relationships. One of his ideas that impacted me was his equation on really knowing someone. He stated it as the following:
TOGETHER [This includes a wide variety of shared activities.]
TALK [Not just chit-chat, but Mutual Self-Disclosure]
+ TIME [He has an idea that you cannot begin to know someone until you have been together at least 3 months.]
---------------------------------------
KNOW
Another idea I have heard is four seasons and a road trip. Each individual responds differently in different circumstances and situations. A great way to really find out if you know someone is to see them in different seasons as well as enjoying a nice long road trip together where all you have to do is sing along with the radio and listen to each other talk. There is more you need to know about a person beside how well they can cook or how well someone studies (when you are around). Really get to know you they are to-the-core.
Van Epp also created what he calls the RAM diagram. It is the following:
KNOW TRUST RELY COMMIT TOUCH
- - - - -
x - - - -
- x - - -
- - x - -
- - - x -
- - - - x
- - - - -
Explanation:
This is the order in which your relationship should progress. You need to know someone before you can trust them. The more you get to know them the more you either trust them or know to distrust them.
Once you have built a foundation of trust, you know you can rely on them. Once you continue your relationship-you are always getting to know them better-you can truly commit yourself to someone. Then and only then you can move forward with the last progression step.
Why is touch the last?
The feelings that come with touching- whether that means holding hands, hugging, locking lips, or cuddling affect the way we think. If the physical aspect of the relationship is good, we have the ability to put up "blinders"for the other things that are important.
I ave really enjoyed learning from John Van Epp. I think he really has something. This is just the beginning of what he has to teach us.
If you are interested in any additional information regarding John Van Epp or his insights and theories regarding such topics, I would recommend looking into reading his book, How to avoid falling in love with a Jerk. You can find out more about this book through the following short video.
John Van Epp: How to avoid falling in Love with a Jerk
Thursday, May 31, 2018
Thursday, May 24, 2018
Celebrate Our Differences
The Lord created each of us.
Our differences, desires, interests, imperfections, values, personalities. We are who we are for a purpose.
Jeremiah 1:5
"Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee,..."
D&C 138:56
Even before they were born, they, with many others, received their first lessons in the world of spirits and were prepared to come forth in the due time of the Lord to labor in his vineyard for the salvation of the souls of men.
Elder David A Bednar explained, “[Gender] in large measure defines who we are, why we are here upon the earth, and what we are to do and become. For divine purposes, male and female spirits are different, distinctive, and complementary. … The unique combination of spiritual, physical, mental, and emotional capacities of both males and females were needed to implement the plan of happiness” (“Marriage Is Essential to His Eternal Plan,” Liahona, June 2006, 51; Ensign, June 2006, 83).
Don't you see? There is no shame in being Y.O.U.
Short or tall.
Wide or thin.
Red hair or blonde.
Arts or Science.
Tennis or basketball.
Ephraim or Manasseh.
Blue eyed or brown.
Young or old.
Big Mac or plant based.
Single or married.
Canvas or wood.
Only child or one of 8.
Spontaneous or steady.
Male or female.
We all have a purpose.
Our differences, desires, interests, imperfections, values, personalities. We are who we are for a purpose.
Jeremiah 1:5
"Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee,..."
D&C 138:56
Even before they were born, they, with many others, received their first lessons in the world of spirits and were prepared to come forth in the due time of the Lord to labor in his vineyard for the salvation of the souls of men.
Elder David A Bednar explained, “[Gender] in large measure defines who we are, why we are here upon the earth, and what we are to do and become. For divine purposes, male and female spirits are different, distinctive, and complementary. … The unique combination of spiritual, physical, mental, and emotional capacities of both males and females were needed to implement the plan of happiness” (“Marriage Is Essential to His Eternal Plan,” Liahona, June 2006, 51; Ensign, June 2006, 83).
Don't you see? There is no shame in being Y.O.U.
Short or tall.
Wide or thin.
Red hair or blonde.
Arts or Science.
Tennis or basketball.
Ephraim or Manasseh.
Blue eyed or brown.
Young or old.
Big Mac or plant based.
Single or married.
Canvas or wood.
Only child or one of 8.
Spontaneous or steady.
Male or female.
We all have a purpose.
Wednesday, May 16, 2018
Fatherless Homes
As the deputy sheriffs finish their morning briefing in Sherwood Pictures’ new film Courageous, the sheriff announces one last item.
"I received an email", he tells them, "and I want you to know about it. The violent gang members, run-away's, high school dropouts, and teens in prison—the sorts of kids who get into trouble with the law—have something in common: Most of them are from fatherless homes.”
“When a father is absent,” he goes on, “kids are five times more likely to commit suicide or use drugs. They’re twenty times more likely to wind up in prison. So tonight after you clock out,” he adds, “go home and love your families.”
The Lord intended both father and mother to reside within the home. Try as you might, but life without both parents in the home is not as healthy as it could potentially be. One without the other puts so much weight on the single parent that they are divided. Their energy goes into being the provider rather than the nurturer, the teacher, the support.
Life is not perfect. Situations arise-they always will. What matters is that you did your best. Your children will love you no matter what. I can promise you that. Just do your best-and at the end of the day, forget about the world-Go home and love your families.
Further along in the movie one of the main characters, Adam Mitchell gives a Fathers Day speech. These are just a few of his words:
"There are some men who, regardless of the mistakes we’ve made in the past, regardless of what our fathers did not do for us, will give the strength of our arms and the rest of our days to loving God with all that we are and to teach our children to do the same—and whenever possible, to love and mentor others who have no father in their lives but who desperately need help and direction.
God’s word shows us that God desires for every father to courageously step up and do whatever it takes to be involved in the lives of his children. More than just being there for them or providing for them, he is to walk with them through their young lives and be a visual representation of the character of God, their Father in heaven.
Who will accept the responsibility of providing and protecting my family? Who will ask God to break the chain of destructive patterns in my family? Who will pray for, and bless my children to boldly pursue whatever God calls them to do?
In my home, the decision has already been made. You don’t have to ask who will guide my family because, by God’s grace, I will. You don’t have to ask who will teach my son to follow Christ because I will."
So where are you, men of courage? Where are you, fathers who fear the Lord?
It’s time to rise up and answer the call God has given you and say,
I will! I will! I will!
"I received an email", he tells them, "and I want you to know about it. The violent gang members, run-away's, high school dropouts, and teens in prison—the sorts of kids who get into trouble with the law—have something in common: Most of them are from fatherless homes.”
“When a father is absent,” he goes on, “kids are five times more likely to commit suicide or use drugs. They’re twenty times more likely to wind up in prison. So tonight after you clock out,” he adds, “go home and love your families.”
The Lord intended both father and mother to reside within the home. Try as you might, but life without both parents in the home is not as healthy as it could potentially be. One without the other puts so much weight on the single parent that they are divided. Their energy goes into being the provider rather than the nurturer, the teacher, the support.
Life is not perfect. Situations arise-they always will. What matters is that you did your best. Your children will love you no matter what. I can promise you that. Just do your best-and at the end of the day, forget about the world-Go home and love your families.
Further along in the movie one of the main characters, Adam Mitchell gives a Fathers Day speech. These are just a few of his words:
"There are some men who, regardless of the mistakes we’ve made in the past, regardless of what our fathers did not do for us, will give the strength of our arms and the rest of our days to loving God with all that we are and to teach our children to do the same—and whenever possible, to love and mentor others who have no father in their lives but who desperately need help and direction.
God’s word shows us that God desires for every father to courageously step up and do whatever it takes to be involved in the lives of his children. More than just being there for them or providing for them, he is to walk with them through their young lives and be a visual representation of the character of God, their Father in heaven.
Who will accept the responsibility of providing and protecting my family? Who will ask God to break the chain of destructive patterns in my family? Who will pray for, and bless my children to boldly pursue whatever God calls them to do?
In my home, the decision has already been made. You don’t have to ask who will guide my family because, by God’s grace, I will. You don’t have to ask who will teach my son to follow Christ because I will."
So where are you, men of courage? Where are you, fathers who fear the Lord?
It’s time to rise up and answer the call God has given you and say,
I will! I will! I will!
Thursday, May 10, 2018
Family is Family
In the wise words of Kacey Musgraves and her song writers I would agree, Family is Family.
Every time I hear this song, I am intrigued by its truthfulness.
Everyone has different feelings toward their family. We are given the attributes of our parents and our ancestors, but our personality and our character is who we decide to make it. Whether good or bad, it is through the experiences we have within our families that we decide who we want to be. They give us a desire to be exactly or Nothing like them.
-"You might look just like 'em, that don't mean you're like 'em
But you love 'em"
-"Don't get you at all, but your apple don't fall too far from 'em"
With my family, every reunion starts out the same way, I get so excited to gather with my family! Then while I am with them, I remember that they drive me CRAZY.
Time does wonders for the brain, as after they leave, it isn't long before I am excited to see them again. And-the-loop-just-keeps-a-turnin'. It's like an unspoken rule.
-"You'd wash your hands of them, but blood's always thicker"
-"They're there when you're married, divorced, and remarried
You fall out of touch, but then someone gets buried
And you're right back together like no time has ever gone by"
You fall out of touch, but then someone gets buried
And you're right back together like no time has ever gone by"
The choices we make take us down different paths. We become different people, but somehow we always revert back to family. Why? Well, the whole is greater than the strength of its parts.
-"Family is family, in church or in prison
You get what you get, and you don't get to pick 'em
They might smoke like chimneys, but give you their kidneys
Yeah, friends come in handy, but family is family"
You get what you get, and you don't get to pick 'em
They might smoke like chimneys, but give you their kidneys
Yeah, friends come in handy, but family is family"
You may not even understand why you keep coming back to them, but that doesn't mean you stop.
-"Can't live with or without 'em, you might talk about 'em
But if someone else does, well, then you'll knock 'em out 'cause
When it's all said and done, they're the only ones that you got"
But if someone else does, well, then you'll knock 'em out 'cause
When it's all said and done, they're the only ones that you got"
Thursday, May 3, 2018
The Perfect Cake
Just like a cake needs every ingredient to turn out well, the Family as a whole is greater than the strength of its individual members.
Alone, each ingredient is bland, and undesirable, but added to other ingredients, it has the potential to become the perfect recipe.
Just as every ingredient has a purpose, every member of a family has a purpose also.
Butter works in concert with other ingredients to give baked goods texture. This may be the peacemaker in your home.
Sugar keeps your baked goods soft and moist in addition to adding a sweet flavor. This would most likely be the family member that adds a little extra laughter and lightheartedness in a crazy world.
In addition to their nutritional value, eggs can provide structure, leavening, richness, color, and flavor to baked products. This would most likely be the head of your family, however in some cases it could be an older sibling. -The one who wants to keep everyone close and encourages time together.
Vanilla enhances all the other flavors in the recipe. Without it, cookies and cakes tend to taste flat and bland. This is the family member that keeps things interesting.
Flour provides structure. Structure is good. This has the potential to be the rule setter in your family. It could also be the family member that provides an example for others to follow.
Baking Powder is a leavening agent that causes batter to rise. This would be the family member that encourages you to do your best, and they are always there for you when you need a little extra lovins.
The purpose for salt is to enhance the flavor of the other ingredients. Its presence perks up the depth and complexity of other flavors as the ingredients meld as well as balancing the sweetness in a recipe. This would most likely be the family member who balances our the sweet by adding a little bit of unexpected spontaneity to your life.
Milk creates a strong batter, capable of rising and withstanding the rigors of baking. This is the person that holds you up when life gets to be more than you can handle.
Any one of these ingredients alone, although wonderful, cannot be fully useful or substantial in purpose without the other ingredients.
It doesn't just end there.
In some cases, you need substitutes. Whether the reasons be for dietary needs or otherwise. (Divorce or other family dynamics) A good substitution, depending on your situation may be whole wheat flour.
Some of us may have added members to our family. Added family members whether married or adopted into your family are like ice-cream to go with your cake, these individuals enhance the overall flavor of the cake.
This will most likely be different for you. Every cake is different. Even cakes found in the same bakery can be different, some you will like, others you may be unable to eat.
[My family is more like a fruit cake than anything else... there are a select few that appreciate fruit cakes]
What does your perfect cake look like?
Alone, each ingredient is bland, and undesirable, but added to other ingredients, it has the potential to become the perfect recipe.
Just as every ingredient has a purpose, every member of a family has a purpose also.
Butter works in concert with other ingredients to give baked goods texture. This may be the peacemaker in your home.
Sugar keeps your baked goods soft and moist in addition to adding a sweet flavor. This would most likely be the family member that adds a little extra laughter and lightheartedness in a crazy world.
In addition to their nutritional value, eggs can provide structure, leavening, richness, color, and flavor to baked products. This would most likely be the head of your family, however in some cases it could be an older sibling. -The one who wants to keep everyone close and encourages time together.
Vanilla enhances all the other flavors in the recipe. Without it, cookies and cakes tend to taste flat and bland. This is the family member that keeps things interesting.
Flour provides structure. Structure is good. This has the potential to be the rule setter in your family. It could also be the family member that provides an example for others to follow.
Baking Powder is a leavening agent that causes batter to rise. This would be the family member that encourages you to do your best, and they are always there for you when you need a little extra lovins.
The purpose for salt is to enhance the flavor of the other ingredients. Its presence perks up the depth and complexity of other flavors as the ingredients meld as well as balancing the sweetness in a recipe. This would most likely be the family member who balances our the sweet by adding a little bit of unexpected spontaneity to your life.
Milk creates a strong batter, capable of rising and withstanding the rigors of baking. This is the person that holds you up when life gets to be more than you can handle.
Any one of these ingredients alone, although wonderful, cannot be fully useful or substantial in purpose without the other ingredients.
It doesn't just end there.
In some cases, you need substitutes. Whether the reasons be for dietary needs or otherwise. (Divorce or other family dynamics) A good substitution, depending on your situation may be whole wheat flour.
Some of us may have added members to our family. Added family members whether married or adopted into your family are like ice-cream to go with your cake, these individuals enhance the overall flavor of the cake.
This will most likely be different for you. Every cake is different. Even cakes found in the same bakery can be different, some you will like, others you may be unable to eat.
[My family is more like a fruit cake than anything else... there are a select few that appreciate fruit cakes]
What does your perfect cake look like?
Wednesday, May 2, 2018
Why Listen to the World, When you can Listen to the Lord?
I have found that there are many people who are more than willing to share their opinion on the topic of how many children one ought to have. I have some thoughts of my own.
One of my cousins, a good friend, is currently pregnant with her 9th baby. I am so excited for her! She is a good mom, who raises wonderful children. I cannot wait to meet this new addition to the family. However, what started out to be wonderfully joyous and happy news for her and her family, has had soul shattering effects. (I'm not even dramatizing.)
She has been stopped an unnumbered amount of times by people she knows as well as complete strangers who rather than wishing her congratulations on this beautiful new blessing, they are showing her their disapproval and disappointment for taking so many of the earths resources. Some just stare and point their nose up, while others want to socially dispute her.
She has been stopped an unnumbered amount of times by people she knows as well as complete strangers who rather than wishing her congratulations on this beautiful new blessing, they are showing her their disapproval and disappointment for taking so many of the earths resources. Some just stare and point their nose up, while others want to socially dispute her.
My mom comes from a family of ten kids. She was hoping for twenty-one of her own, but ended up with eight. :) She, like many others, had been told similar things, lowering her self-esteem and crushing the Joy.
I know for a fact that my mom would never change the number of kids she has (although she would love more!) every child she has, came as an answer to prayer. She knows she made the right decisions because she counselled with the Lord.
Lets look at some other views on this topic-
As an outcome of a semi-large family, I would not have wanted to grow up any differently. I love large families! (Get together's are priceless!) My mothers legacy as well as the legacy of her parents, grandparents and their ancestors will live on through us!
I know for a fact that my mom would never change the number of kids she has (although she would love more!) every child she has, came as an answer to prayer. She knows she made the right decisions because she counselled with the Lord.
Lets look at some other views on this topic-
As an outcome of a semi-large family, I would not have wanted to grow up any differently. I love large families! (Get together's are priceless!) My mothers legacy as well as the legacy of her parents, grandparents and their ancestors will live on through us!
A far wiser view:
Doctrine and Covenants 104:17
17 For the earth is full, and there is enough and to spare; yea, I prepared all things, and have given unto the children of men to be agents unto themselves.
I can understand having an opinion. (Please do so!) What I cannot understand is shaming others for having one of their own.
---Please, don't let anyone take away from your happy.
Let's all let each other live our own lives. I don't believe it matters: the number of kids you have. As long as you keep the Lord in the decision making, his opinion is the only one that really matters. After all, he has it all planned out. And after God, who is anyone to say anything?
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