Divorce & Remariage

My parents divorced when I was five years old. My experience was different from some as this event in our history is celebrated rather than sad.  

I have dreamed many dreams about my mom remarrying and having a daddy. It has been my fantasy to join my mom and my 'perfect' step dad at the alter in the temple to be sealed for time and all eternity. Me and my seven siblings would be adopted by this perfect man and we would live happily ever after with more love and forehead kisses than we could have imagined.

This was the plan. The perfect plan.

I am sure you already know that life never goes as planned or expected. It actually took fifteen years-75% of my life for my mom to find me a daddy. By this time I am out of the house and over eighteen so there is no point to legally adopt. My older siblings are sealed to their spouses and families so there is no point for that either. 

It's not that my Heavenly Father is a dream crusher. At first, I will admit, I may have thought that, but in fact-everything has worked out the way it was and is meant to. My mom was sealed to her husband just over two weeks ago. I am working to create a safe and beautiful relationship with the man I now have the privilege to call dad.

It isn't what I had planned, but it works. 

Research suggests that it takes at least two years for combined families to become one. I believe that to be true and it will most likely be the case for many of my siblings. For them my dad will most likely be what a step parent is supposed to be- a warm, friendly, fantastic and exceptional communicator, counselor, and friend. 

Purposes of Parenting

Parenting is meant to protect & prepare our children to strive & thrive in the world we live in.

Child's
Mistaken                                                                                                     Parental
Approach:                                              Need:                                           Approach:

Undue attention                                Contact & Belonging                   Offer Contact Freely
Seeking

Rebellion                                           Power                                         Teach children to
Controlling                                                                                            contribute

Revenge                                             Protection                                 Assertiveness & Forgiveness
                                                                                                            (How do we teach this? - model                                                                                                                it, encourage it & accept it.)

Undue Avoidance                              Withdrawal                              Take a break & Come back

Undue Risk Taking                            Challenge                                 Model & encourage skill building


Parenting is not just for children.
Parents:
*develop divine attributes
*learn how to understand children
*have a better understanding of God
*provides order to our lives
*facilitates Maturation

Children:
*individual needs
*support system
*fill attachment needs
*growth focus
*inter-generational connections

Parents can change the world.

Fathers and Forehead kisses.

A controversial topic in our lives today is the role of fathers. The world is starting to lean toward not needing fathers at all. All they do or can do is impregnate women anyway right? Isn't that right?

I disagree. Wholeheartedly.

I have spent my entire life without a father in my home. My biological father is not what a father is intended to be. Rather than providing, protecting and presiding, he caused damage. He did things that it has taken me my hole life to move passed so that I could start moving forward.
My parents were divorced when I was young. Since then, I have been searching for the love of a father. The love only a father can give you. The one that provides safety, a shoulder, love for my mother, and forehead kisses.
I have craved that love and thought I would never be blessed with such a blessing.

Until one day, my eyes were opened. I was speaking with a woman whom I love dearly. I had talked previously with a man whom, although he has no obligation to do so, has stepped in to show me love and support in my life. While speaking with this sweet woman, she recalled a conversation she had had with the man I was speaking with earlier. As their conversation progressed, this man turned to this woman and said, "I feel so bad for the man who decided not to have Jorja for his daughter."

As you can probably guess, I started to weep. I noticed for the first time, something I had not thought of before. My father is suffering just as much, if not more for the choices he made to get him where he is. He is at a loss. He is the one missing out.

After this experience, I looked at my father in a hole new light. Instead of anger, I felt compassion. Instead of hurt, I felt gratitude. Instead of hate-forgiveness.
My father, biology aside, is not a father. He is not my father.

A father is meant to preside, provide, and protect. He is meant to love and be loved.

I have many fathers in my life. Men that do more than fulfill their own family obligations. No, they go far past above and beyond. They do all they can for their families and then they look elsewhere to fill in any gaps left by another.